dasramblings

…when you wake up in your own bed and don’t know where you are

…when you had to take a shit when you went to bed but don’t when you wake up. Where did the shit go???

…when you wake up, your underwear is down but your pants are up and buttoned. How does that happen?

…when you write the worlds best song drunk but don’t record it or remember it.

- Pretko plays with a bongo cock! A bongo cock! Pretko plays with a bongo cock merrily every dayyyyy!

…when you wake up, realize you’re in a bed with someone you shouldn’t be, walk home THE WRONG WAY and end  up eating a red egg salad sandwich at snappy’s only to find out it’s ham and you’re still quite drunk.

…texting people at 12:30am when you’re loaded. They know you’re drunk and damn well don’t want to hang out with you at that point. Obviously you should’ve called them earlier.

…7.00 jack and coke pitchers

…This morning

…The fact I don’t have pancakes and really want them

…why am I typing “…” before everything I type?

Ugh. I’m going to surf the web and take a phantom dump I think. My sense is not making.

I haven’t logged in here for about 8 months. Needless to say I had 15,000 “comments” about making my dick bigger while getting ripped I have to moderate. 769 pages to go! Yea!

Thankfully I got drunk on 22oz of Arrogant Bastards the other night and convinced Mr. M to make a fanpage on Facebook. Seems to be going OK. Time will tell.

Sadly I’m not drunk right now. I’m in a drug-induced zombie coma that prevents rem sleep. It’s not to the point where I’m losing my mind yet but that shall come soon no doubt.

The drugs also leave me horribly uninspired. I can’t think of a damn entertaining thought, quip or anecdote  right now.

I’ll throw some general knowledge from observations I’ve had lately instead..

1.If you see a tan Camry in State College stay out of it’s way. There’s probably Asians driving and they WILL hit you.

2.There are a lot of people out there who can’t spell. They’re also ignorant of most browsers spell checkers.

3.I’m surprised that Facebook is the new hotness and Myspace is dying. Bet the people who paid 500mil for it a few years ago are pissed.

4.Binge drinking is only fun if you’re at a party and you don’t end up alone on a floor with a cold cheeseburger by your head.

5.My friend Art enjoys being punched in the face when he’s drinking. I still don’t know why to this day.

6.Everyone is dumber than I am unless I say so.

7.If you live in an area that’s either going to shake, flood, blow away or provide no food you should move.

8.Take personal responsibility for your actions and quit blaming other things and people. You did it. Man/woman up to it.

That’s all I have for 5:54am right now. Maybe there will be more later..