dasramblings

Ever do this? It’s when you sneeze but for some reason food comes up and spews forth. Normally you can feel a sneeze coming on and prepare for it. This one came out of the blue like a tornado through a trailer park.

Now I have cinamon toast crunch mixed with milk splattered on my rug and arm. It looks like a Barney Bukkake film went wrong.  The sugar granules are are stuck between my fingers as well. I suppose instead of typing I should go wash my hands. Duh.

Anyway, it’s been awhile so I felt the need to write. L8z!

I’ve been at the bar since 7 pm tonight. I’m currently home and drinking water obviously.

What gets me is I was boozing for what could be considered a shift at work for a full time employee and I barely feel a thing. As you’ll notice I’m not typing “weweell fuckk me slut jjjiozzzz bukkkakkeee!!”.

It’s amazing how mood affects intoxication. For example if I was out with a group at Penn State I’d be a puddle of twisted puke right now. (twisted because of pretzels of course) Tonight I was just chilling at my normal bar with friends shooting the shit. Oddly enough, I’ve been PLENTY drunk at this place many times before. Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe it’s because I’m an experienced booze hound and my body knows when not to go over the edge. Regardless, I drank about 3000 empty calories tonight and I’m not reaping the rewards of it at all. I wanted to drink to the AM but no one is around to do it with. I’m stuck listening to the thunder roll outside my house.

Come Sunday I’ll be starting a two week school that will hopefully land me a good job. I wanted to get wrecked tonight in celebration of it but I guess that will happen tomorrow. I didn’t want to drink tomorrow due to the fact I’ll be going to school Sunday afternoon to check into my hotel. Oh well, I’m a creature of habit…why fight it?

Sorry I’m too sober and not entertaining tonight. Maybe tomorrow when I roll home I’ll be typing in a puke laden keyboard bitching about the runs and shouting about creampies. Who knows?

Lightning means turn off the computer. Catch you fuckers later.

I’ve recently gotten rid of my digital cable for a dish. I went with Dish Network because they had a better deal than DirecTV. Install went great by a nice American fellow who did a great job. I was happy there.

Now the fun…

I was told by Dish’s 3rd party marketing fucks that I’d be getting my dual mode DVR for free. Well, when I got the first bill that wasn’t the case. I call customer service and of course the first person who answers is a broken English Indian. At that point I knew I was fucked. The only thing they were able to do was tell me that they’re sorry but the charge is staying. I ask for a supervisor… guess what their nationality is? The supervisor goes by the name of “Sam” which I’m sure is short for Samachukunabitzy. Anyway, she also apologizes for my charges and reiterates what the first person told me. At this point I’m pissed off. I get her to send me a wireless phone line system so that I can hook my DVR up to my phone line instead of dual mode. That’s fine because it’ll get rid of the charge and the system is being sent to me for free.

Fast forward to today. I receive the wireless system and hook it up per the directions. All lights are gren and happy. I call Dish again to see if there was anything I had to do to verify the connection was ok. Of course I get a durka motherfucker on the phone. Now, you can always tell when you’re talking to India – they never engage in chatter, leave their script or listen to a damn thing you say. Basically this curry sniffing bitch went through a bunch of prompts on her screen, what I said to her in ENGLISH didn’t translate to her Elephant worshiping mind and she just said “ok, it’s good.” Bull-fucking-shit! I call back to speak to Abdul or some shit in customer service to get the charge off now that I’m hooked up correctly. Well, he informs me that tech never put notes in and I have to talk to them again.SADFAWERSDFDASGSASDEGRGR!!!!!!!!

To this point the whole ordeal took about 20 minutes and nothing was resolved. I call back one more time trying to choke back the tears when a ray of hope shines through the clouds. AN ENGLISH SPEAKING AMERICAN ANSWERS THE PHONE!!! I JUST CAME!!! This cat’s name was Ed. (can’t get much more American than “Ed”) I told him what was up, he told me what to do and in THREE MINUTES my problem was resolved. Imagine that?? It’s not my fucking fault that when you idiots settled India you put it on the most dusty, barren place in the world. Make your own industry and leave ours alone!

When will companies learn that outsourcing to other countries who can’t speak the language is stupid? Sure they may work for half a penny every week but is it worth it? I know whenever I call customer service or tech somewhere I hate it. In a week I went from loving Dish Network to hating it due to the shitty customer service. However if I was to ever meet Ed I’d gladly buy him a beer. If I ever met my previous “helpers” I’d hit them with a log.