dasramblings

So here I am at 12:28 on a Saturday night. Normally I’d be 3/4 of the way into a good happy buzz. Tonight is different however. I’ll tell you why.

I’m on Chantix – the anti-smoking miracle. First let me say this shit works. Whenever I smoke it doesn’t feel like anything. Basically I don’t get the “nice” feeling of burning one. It’s just like inhaling smoke for no reason.  A totally fruitless effort in cancer. This is a GOOD thing. I’ll be totally done w/ the cancer sticks soon enough.

Some bad things about Chantix.. Well it makes you want to puke for 20 mins after you take it. Secondly, I don’t enjoy beer anymore. Tonight it took me 4 hours to down two pitchers. Anyone who knows me is well aware that’s well below my stamina for consumption. I also feel like a fucking zombie. I’ll just stare at things and not realize I’m even doing it. Needless to say I’m stopping this stuff on Tuesday so I can get back to being myself. Hopefully my new self will involve me not smoking.

On to shit…

Why the fuck do people feel compelled to look at their feces? Seriously.. It amazes me that folks are so into looking at their crap. To me shit is the evil foulness that comes from the nastiest place on your body that can be seen without exploratory surgery.  Have these people been informed on what shit is? Shit is the WASTE of your body. Sure it tastes good going down but it sure isn’t pleasant when it comes back out.  IT’S SHIT!

Some folks are so proud of it I liken it to a newborn. “Oh come see the baby” turns into “You should see the spiral log I just left in the toilet! Come look!” I mean come on.. With the exception of my first shit and the gleaming pride of defecating in the toilet for the first time I can honestly say I’ve never taken pride in looking at my excrement.  Sure I can destroy a toilets natrual function to flush after a big night out but damn..

The only reason I look at puke is because it’s right in front of me and I’m forced to partake in it’s funk. If I could clean up the violence that came from my stomach with my eyes closed I would. Granted shit supersedes puke on any day. At least puke is in the process of digestion and not the end result of it.

In closing: Chantix = good/bad and shit is smelly and should not be revered.

As the title says I am a bucket of fuck.

I went to the bar, I drank and consumed and looked at older chicks that were horses and taught me about broadcasting.

Chantix makes me want to puke.

Cigs are good but give me angry belly.

2 + 2 = 4 but if you’re Supeman it really doesn’t matter.

Why does Garth Brooks have friends in low places? If I had his money I’d buy cooler friends.

My cat likes my feet. If I was a cat I’d chill in the sock drawer. Socks are clean and squishy. ]

Water is good when drunk. However I’ll still have a hangover tomorrow. I love you tomorrow you’re only a day away.

Joey metal is a cockwhore.

I’m so devoid of hydration right now I doubt I’ll piss within the next 21 hours.

Mr. Snuffalufagus is a homo.

Big Bird did him IDB.

Click on shit.

Word.

Slayer.

Goat Whore!

First, sorry to the few that read this – I haven’t been keeping up like I should.

OK, let’s see what I can come up with here. I suppose I’ll make categories.

Ass
First I’d like to say that I am an ass man. Nothing better than a nice rotund pushin’ cushion to get my motor running. Having said that I’ll try to keep this non-biased. Now let’s explore the pro’s and con’s off ass.

Pro’s
1.When they’re in shape they’re wonderful. Great to touch, look at, slap, eat salad off of, write a symphony about and just generally enjoy.
2.You can rest your head on one and be perfectly comfortable.
3.It’s the housing for two things you can insert your wang into.
4.It’s good to sit on. If you didn’t have ass your pelvis would probably get rounded off pretty quickly.

Con’s
1.It can REALLY stink when not properly maintained or after a burrito.
2.It can be squishy and loaded with cellulite.
3.It can be too big for jeans and spill out causing you NOT to like ass. However, an attractive ass can easily redeem this in the eyes of a man. (or lesbian I’m sure)

I’ve covered the basic points off ass. Now on the boobies..

Pro’s
1.They nurse the young
2.Good to play with
3.Good to look at
4.You can have sex with them if you’d like. However they best be oiled up well or there will be substantial chaffing. Size is also a factor for proper penis coverage. Titty-fucking an A cup would probably be next to impossible and uncomfortable.
5.They’ll closer to the mouth so it’s always possible to get some errant oral sex since you’re in the area.

Con’s
1.Boob sweat in the summer is kind of icky.
2.They can be lop-sided
3.The nipples can be WAAAAYYY too huge. When I see those it reminds me of a gremlin coming at me. Nightmares of weeks.

So what we seem to have here is an impasse. Both are equally wonderful but have the possibility of sucking if not properly maintained or owned by the right person. (I’m talking to you 300lb spandex girls!)

I’d have to say the deciding factor for me to take ass over boobies is the sheer fact of intercourse. As mentioned, the ass is where all the happy fucking happens when it comes down to it. Granted you can do a good amount with some nice tits but in MY OPINION I’m going to stick with the ass. Just can’t go wrong unless your date was to a taco bell eating contest.