dasramblings

I haven’t been inspired for awhile. Here’s where I ask all 5 of my readers for subjects. What I’d like for you to do is leave a comment stating something you’d like me to give my “insight” on.

For some reason I just don’t have anything serious going on in my head. It might be stress, lack of ass or the fact that I’m just a faceless robot in the corporate machine right now.

Regardless, give me some fucking ideas people.

Oh yea, spread the word about this site too. I want it to be talked about by people I don’t know in Korea. Let’s make it happen eh?

P.S. Australia is OK too.

I was admiring my liquid soap today while on the can.. My question is – why do companies boast things “kill 99.9 percent of germs”? If they have the power to kill all those germs why the hell can’t they just kill the other .1 percent? I find this odd and disturbing.

Say you let that other .1% live… what if it’s the anti-Christ germ? It could grow up, start a revolution and then give you anal warts. No one wants that. (except maybe for the goatse guy)

Having said that I’d like to add that I’m buzzed. I bought a fat bottle of SoCo black label tonight and have been drinking it. It’s sooooo fucking good. I love it. If it was a rich woman I’d marry it and be it’s boy toy. Unfortunately it isn’t like that.

I also want to kill Bryant Gumble by stabbing him in the throat with a rusty fence post. If you’ve ever watched the NFL network and saw a game commented on by him you’d understand.

That’s it for now. I felt the need for an update and that’s it. You all might get another one later depending on how I’m feeling.

L8z.

welp as promised i’m here and drunlk. I was at 4 bars tonigh and drank at every one of thjem. right now I have the choice of water or soco anddiet pepsi… I choose to drin the water because I’m about to puike. When I wake tomorrow I’ll feel like shit in a bucket of hate. but it’s all good because I had a goood time. bow to me

I smoked like 2 packs of smokes tonight an I feel like death,. Of course I’m going to sdmoke one more when I’m done and thik about boobies. IU love boobies. I’m more of an ass man tho.

i just smasjed me head on the desk and it hurts reallt bad. I drank too much and I need floor. one more smoke will be ok if I don’t die. If I do call the hospital by2pm and tell them I broke my face.

COWBOYS RULES!

Seriouslyu tho I’m going to puke. dont know when and ont know how bur ir’ll suck. one more smoke.

thibnk I burnt my hair with the large lighter flame. fuckkkk

Yea so thatrs it. sonbitch.

Going to sleep on my floor brbr

I just got out of the shower about 30 seconds ago. While I was in there I was thinking to myself how weird I felt. Basically the warm water was hitting me but I couldn’t feel my appendages. It was like they weren’t part of me and transparent. Quite and odd sensation. The only “foreign” thing I have in me right now is SoCo, whatever that’s made of (love) and the evil that’s put in Diet Pepsi. I fully realize I sound like a hippie on an acid trip but let me assure you that’s not true.

While I was in the shower I snorted soap up my nose and also got some in my mouth. Apparently I lathered too vigorously and had some collateral soap inhalation.

Anyway, I’m hoping this is a precursor to the night’s festivities. While everyone is out buying milk, eggs, bread and KY Jelly I’m going to be at the bar drinking my face off. Why do you ask? I’LL TELL YOU WHY!!! Because I can… and it was an extra shitty day at the office. Overtime is good – stupid people are bad.

I just called my friend Gump and told him if he didn’t come out to drink with me I was going to chop him up and serve him as stew. You’re a better person for knowing this.

That’s about it for now. I’ll be back later with another insightful drunken rambling.

Until then…

I’m on a self-induced pissy mood currently. Let me tell you why.

I play guitar. I consider myself pretty damn good. However I’m only good when I’m playing MY songs. I can jam out for hours throwing out some awesome riffs. HOWEVER when it comes to me playing other people’s shit I suck.

For instance I decided tonight that I’m going to re-learn some songs I knew back in the day. My first one was Enter Sandman. We all know it – we all love it. I had a hard time getting past the first fucking riff! WTF!!!??!?! I used to be able to play this song before but now I can’t.  I said “fuck it” to that song and moved onto Sweet Child O’ Mine. Another classic. I was able to play this song when I was 16 years old. Now it sounds like Mary Had a Little Lamb That Miscarriaged.

It doesn’t help that I can’t read music either.  I can only read tab – and badly. My brain and groups of numbers don’t get along. It’s like Dyslexia with numbers. I’ve never been tested for such a thing but I’m sure it exists. The numbers get all scrambled and I can’t make sense of them.

At this point I can continue to be a hack or learn how to read real music. Anyone out there care to teach me? I’m so pissed at myself right now it’s not even funny. FUCK!

I can’t think of a damn thing to write about. Brian asked me why no updates so I’m obligated. I’ve decided that I’m going to write a few poems (which may or may not rhyme) about things I see around me.

“Cat”

Cat, cat on the floor

Your mother had to be a whore

Since you’re out of her sixth litter

and too retarded to use your own shitter

“Remote Control”

Change the channels and change them well

Show me pictures of sluts and hell

Why oh why aren’t you unscramble porn?

Times like this it hurts to be born.

“Soco in my glass”

Oh wonderful SoCo you brighten my day

I’m sure those who drank you have been gay

It’s all good though because I am straight

However I may be too drunk to masturbate.

I can mix you with shit and you’d still taste good

You go well even with bad food

I’ve felt your wrath, I’ve puked you up

Still I continue to put you in my cup.

My creative juices have run dry it seems. After that last poem I sat here staring blankly at the screen looking for inspiration. Oh well.. maybe it’ll hit me later.