dasramblings

I haven’t logged in here for about 8 months. Needless to say I had 15,000 “comments” about making my dick bigger while getting ripped I have to moderate. 769 pages to go! Yea!

Thankfully I got drunk on 22oz of Arrogant Bastards the other night and convinced Mr. M to make a fanpage on Facebook. Seems to be going OK. Time will tell.

Sadly I’m not drunk right now. I’m in a drug-induced zombie coma that prevents rem sleep. It’s not to the point where I’m losing my mind yet but that shall come soon no doubt.

The drugs also leave me horribly uninspired. I can’t think of a damn entertaining thought, quip or anecdote  right now.

I’ll throw some general knowledge from observations I’ve had lately instead..

1.If you see a tan Camry in State College stay out of it’s way. There’s probably Asians driving and they WILL hit you.

2.There are a lot of people out there who can’t spell. They’re also ignorant of most browsers spell checkers.

3.I’m surprised that Facebook is the new hotness and Myspace is dying. Bet the people who paid 500mil for it a few years ago are pissed.

4.Binge drinking is only fun if you’re at a party and you don’t end up alone on a floor with a cold cheeseburger by your head.

5.My friend Art enjoys being punched in the face when he’s drinking. I still don’t know why to this day.

6.Everyone is dumber than I am unless I say so.

7.If you live in an area that’s either going to shake, flood, blow away or provide no food you should move.

8.Take personal responsibility for your actions and quit blaming other things and people. You did it. Man/woman up to it.

That’s all I have for 5:54am right now. Maybe there will be more later..

Well shit, I’m 34 now. It sucks but it’s also cool. It’s cool because for the first time in my life I feel excellent. I’m in a good place with a good job and excellent friends.

Last year at this time I was laid off, had no direction and didn’t know what I was doing. This year I’m sitting in a nice place and being pretty much content.

I guess this past year has taught me to never settle. Always take some chances and go for it. The feeling of accomplishment when things are achieved is unprecedented. I can only hope that 34 to 35 will be even better.

Anyway, that’s all I got. I’m going to try to not get as fucked up in recent weeks so I can go on a tirade about shit.

L8z.

I haven’t written for awhile and for that I apologize.

Why is because I’ve been TOO blasted, too tired or just too damn uninterested to put my fingers to the keyboard.

Tonight I’m awake while everyone is sleeping. It’s annoying. I had a rough day battling the evils of a hangover and when I finally recover everyone is crashed out. I need to get on a better schedule I suppose.

Anyway, um.. fuck.. I have nothing. I need something to go off about. Someone give me an idea or subject and I’ll be more than happy to write something about it.

Ham.

As the title says it’s been a bit over a year since I started this blog. I have to say as of now I’m not all that thrilled with the results. When I started this I wanted to make it a popular site with a good amount of traffic. I’ll admit, I wanted to make a few extra bucks from the ads instead of giving it away for free on Myspace.

So, having said that I can’t complain much more. I’ve in State College now living in the Ghaner Commune and enjoying it. I’m surrounded by good people and have a good woman in my life. I dig my job and things are going pretty damn well.

This weekend is another PSU home game so I’ll be drunk as hell I’m sure. I’ll write up a blog one of these nights. I’ve been slacking – I know. That will change soon. I promise.

Spread the word about my site. Old school fucked up blogs will be here soon enough.

Tonight I hung out with some old school buddies I haven’t seen in ages. What’s great about that is you just pick up where you left off. The initial “so what the fuck are you doing these days?” gets covered and you revert to drinking. Regardless it was fucking cool as hell. I saw a guy tonight that I knew since I was 6 years old. No pretenses, no bullshit and no agenda. It was just nice to roll with him and have a good time. It’s hard to find that kind of history with new friends. You’re constantly trying to impress/not piss off/feel them out. I didn’t have to do that tonight.

Also, it’s amazing how much mood affects drinking. I sauced pretty hard tonight and I barely have a buzz to show for it. That’s because I wanted to not be a sloppy bitch in front of the old school GL/Nanticoke people. Which brings me to the point that Nanticoke Area in it’s hayday has bred some of the best drinkers in PA. I don’t think any other area can compare to us. Bow to the Trojans!

Sorry I’m not a blithering idiot tonight. Just not in the cards. Had to drive and all that good shit.

Ever do this? It’s when you sneeze but for some reason food comes up and spews forth. Normally you can feel a sneeze coming on and prepare for it. This one came out of the blue like a tornado through a trailer park.

Now I have cinamon toast crunch mixed with milk splattered on my rug and arm. It looks like a Barney Bukkake film went wrong.  The sugar granules are are stuck between my fingers as well. I suppose instead of typing I should go wash my hands. Duh.

Anyway, it’s been awhile so I felt the need to write. L8z!

I’ve been at the bar since 7 pm tonight. I’m currently home and drinking water obviously.

What gets me is I was boozing for what could be considered a shift at work for a full time employee and I barely feel a thing. As you’ll notice I’m not typing “weweell fuckk me slut jjjiozzzz bukkkakkeee!!”.

It’s amazing how mood affects intoxication. For example if I was out with a group at Penn State I’d be a puddle of twisted puke right now. (twisted because of pretzels of course) Tonight I was just chilling at my normal bar with friends shooting the shit. Oddly enough, I’ve been PLENTY drunk at this place many times before. Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe it’s because I’m an experienced booze hound and my body knows when not to go over the edge. Regardless, I drank about 3000 empty calories tonight and I’m not reaping the rewards of it at all. I wanted to drink to the AM but no one is around to do it with. I’m stuck listening to the thunder roll outside my house.

Come Sunday I’ll be starting a two week school that will hopefully land me a good job. I wanted to get wrecked tonight in celebration of it but I guess that will happen tomorrow. I didn’t want to drink tomorrow due to the fact I’ll be going to school Sunday afternoon to check into my hotel. Oh well, I’m a creature of habit…why fight it?

Sorry I’m too sober and not entertaining tonight. Maybe tomorrow when I roll home I’ll be typing in a puke laden keyboard bitching about the runs and shouting about creampies. Who knows?

Lightning means turn off the computer. Catch you fuckers later.

I was going to write something up yesterday (which was my actual birthday) but I was too tired to think of a cognizant thought. Anyhow since I did one of these last year on Myspace I’ll do one here.

In the past year of my life I have…

1.Gotten in better shape after I got in worse shape

2.Got laid off for the first time in 12 years

3.Re-sided my house

4.Had my cat’s nuts chopped off

5.Drank too much in State College and at home. However I did have a great time doing it.

6.Went on a real vacation in years and tried to hook up with an Asian girl who had a “spinning” fetish.

7.Quit smoking, was driven mad by Chantix and started again only to quit again w/o the help of drugs.

8.Made a few new friends and solidified existing friendships.

9.Learned I love the bass and I got one for Christmas.

10.Lost another family member. She lived a long and good life though.

As far as “major” things happening in my last year it’s been pretty mundane. I really don’t have any regrets about it mind you. All we can do it make the next year of our lives better and more memorable. Sure I can list thousands of little things I experienced but I don’t want to. pffffft!

Thanks for reading. My drunken tales to follow.

First, sorry to the few that read this – I haven’t been keeping up like I should.

OK, let’s see what I can come up with here. I suppose I’ll make categories.

Ass
First I’d like to say that I am an ass man. Nothing better than a nice rotund pushin’ cushion to get my motor running. Having said that I’ll try to keep this non-biased. Now let’s explore the pro’s and con’s off ass.

Pro’s
1.When they’re in shape they’re wonderful. Great to touch, look at, slap, eat salad off of, write a symphony about and just generally enjoy.
2.You can rest your head on one and be perfectly comfortable.
3.It’s the housing for two things you can insert your wang into.
4.It’s good to sit on. If you didn’t have ass your pelvis would probably get rounded off pretty quickly.

Con’s
1.It can REALLY stink when not properly maintained or after a burrito.
2.It can be squishy and loaded with cellulite.
3.It can be too big for jeans and spill out causing you NOT to like ass. However, an attractive ass can easily redeem this in the eyes of a man. (or lesbian I’m sure)

I’ve covered the basic points off ass. Now on the boobies..

Pro’s
1.They nurse the young
2.Good to play with
3.Good to look at
4.You can have sex with them if you’d like. However they best be oiled up well or there will be substantial chaffing. Size is also a factor for proper penis coverage. Titty-fucking an A cup would probably be next to impossible and uncomfortable.
5.They’ll closer to the mouth so it’s always possible to get some errant oral sex since you’re in the area.

Con’s
1.Boob sweat in the summer is kind of icky.
2.They can be lop-sided
3.The nipples can be WAAAAYYY too huge. When I see those it reminds me of a gremlin coming at me. Nightmares of weeks.

So what we seem to have here is an impasse. Both are equally wonderful but have the possibility of sucking if not properly maintained or owned by the right person. (I’m talking to you 300lb spandex girls!)

I’d have to say the deciding factor for me to take ass over boobies is the sheer fact of intercourse. As mentioned, the ass is where all the happy fucking happens when it comes down to it. Granted you can do a good amount with some nice tits but in MY OPINION I’m going to stick with the ass. Just can’t go wrong unless your date was to a taco bell eating contest.

I can’t think of a damn thing to write about. Brian asked me why no updates so I’m obligated. I’ve decided that I’m going to write a few poems (which may or may not rhyme) about things I see around me.

“Cat”

Cat, cat on the floor

Your mother had to be a whore

Since you’re out of her sixth litter

and too retarded to use your own shitter

“Remote Control”

Change the channels and change them well

Show me pictures of sluts and hell

Why oh why aren’t you unscramble porn?

Times like this it hurts to be born.

“Soco in my glass”

Oh wonderful SoCo you brighten my day

I’m sure those who drank you have been gay

It’s all good though because I am straight

However I may be too drunk to masturbate.

I can mix you with shit and you’d still taste good

You go well even with bad food

I’ve felt your wrath, I’ve puked you up

Still I continue to put you in my cup.

My creative juices have run dry it seems. After that last poem I sat here staring blankly at the screen looking for inspiration. Oh well.. maybe it’ll hit me later.