dasramblings

After being told I need a bigger penis for the upteenth million time, I updated the site and added some more spam blocking shit to hopefully make it less of a pain in the ass for everyone’s favorite hardcore alcoholic guitar playing jerk.

<3

Jeebus

Who invited bukakke? Why do the Japanese feel the need to cum on everyone but yet blur out the genitals in all their porn? I can’t elaborate more because I’ve never drowned anyone in a sea of swimmers. Fuck.

Let’s discuss donkeys. They’re lazy, they smell and probably sell crack to poor people in Africa. Still, they don’t flaunt their wealth so I can’t fault them for that. They need to cut back on fiber though.

I’m going to sing Rammstein now.

DASHNAREFUGNIKOOOOO FIRE FIRE!! GARSHINFUNDOOO GRRRRRRR FIRE FIRE!

(Translation – I love puppies while resting before a romantic fire and I hug my mother regularly. )

Have you ever considered mating a tree sloth with a gargoyle? Would it defend the innocent or be really fucking lazy and eat grass? Would it turn to stone or just sleep all the fucking time? Would it be an asshole or I regular super hero? It’s tough to say.

Ok I’m out of nouns and my eardrum just exploded in something other than ecstasy.

This is a story from my favorite 10-year old crackhead. More to come I’m sure. I can’t even think this shit up when I’m loaded.

once opon a time there was a girl named  lillie she could fly punch a
dent in mettle without getting hurt her coolest power was she could
fart/poop out rambows pluss she can live forever.the day she was boren
was when the first rainbow was made (well duhh she was around because
she made the rain bow)ANYWAYS…2010 years later in the year of 2010
she had to make a new rain bow a big one and she needed help so she
hyred gay man(the man who can fly fart/poop out rainbows and one he
flys he has a whistle in his but that souds like this whhhhheeeeeee
ohhhhhhh weeeeeeee whhhhhoooo)so they fleu up ate some beans and
started farting
 when they were done lillie praposed to gay man he said he was
allready married to a man!!!

The following is a recorded conversation on Facebook one Saturday night very late in the evening/morning.

“2:28am
fucker

2:32amGambini
im am ahitfaced!

i nailed a chick in the seecret bathroom at the woodlands aka lounde area and used a rubber…she was a whore 1/2……i hate her and wanted to skull fuck her

i threatened to kill her dog if she ever offended me and she agreed. yup, shes stupid….i like stupid bc they belive me….smack on the ass for artie

i skull fuck pelicans and leave them brain dead…..bc i hate them and they hate mne…so feelings are mutual, pelicans

2:34amSATAN!
lol

dude thats epic

02:34amGambini
im pissed

i fucvked a girl, gafe her my heart

anmd shre gsve me her humber and never responded bavk, fuckin whoire\

2:35amChristopher Walken
you sir asre drunk

2:36amWaupelican
i feel like googling her adress and skull fuck her infront of her kids

fuckin little demons

i think i gave her dog taurets tho…i proved my balls are larger lol

2:36amGod of you all
dude.. lol

omg

2:37amJohhnynutsack
yea, good for that dog, it prob has the twitches now….fuckin g loser dog

id punch ever dog in the face if it came up to me

id let it live its lifestyle of doggystyle and see how he likes it…fuckin poodle

2:38amMaster of all
best conversation ever

Kife and I went to a “discount clothes” place today. It was a place for second hand clothes. Oddly enough I found one thing I liked that fit – my stand by black shirt. I wear black/dark colors a lot. Sadly I’m as pale as a dead albino’s ass and it makes my head look like a 300w lightbulb on top of a black curtain. Still, it’s sliming. Yay.

Back to the point.. what the FUCK is with the “in” clothes today? Every fucking thing had some kind of embroidered ebonics-inspirted claptrap of fuck. If it doesn’t chances are it’s a brightly colored homosexual rainbow-esque travesty. I don’t want a shirt that says “John Deere” on it outlned in gold sequins. I could give two shirts about a green shirt that says “New York” in a offset font. I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF PENNSYLVANIA!

Some of the shit is ok. Things that have a small logo on them in a mostly solid color are good with me. However these things are hard to come by. When solid colors and short sleeve’s come back I’m going to be one stylish motherfucker.

Since we’re on style what the hell is up with guy’s hair styles these days? Why do you WANT to look like people looked like in the 70′s? That was the ugliest age of man. I’d rather wear a white wig from the 1700′s and leggings than walk around like a self-involved douche fuck with my “I just came in my hair and messed it up so I can be trendy” haircut. Fuck. That.

Essentially.. Be who you are. Don’t be a sheep. Fucking putzes.

Whats witrh the fucking spam man? I log in to see my comments and theress fucks with “JGRGDFdfgfdgfddssds…////” wanting to approve comments.

I would like them to die in flames with hiv injected needles probing them in the ass while satan sodomizes their mothers. That’s it. I’m drun and may puke.

I’ve been more and more annoyed with Myspace lately. Mainly the fucking “mood updates”.

I don’t care that you’re baking a pie. I don’t give a fuck if you’ve finally figured out that rubix cube. I definitely  could care less if you’re watching T.V. with a frozen chicken up your ass while wearing a loincloth made out of dead Egyptians. (well, that one would be interesting)

Regardless what kind of self-involved fucks feel the need to update people on Myspace of their every move? There’s one person who is ALWAYS complaining with these ambiguous postings about lost love, his depression and how shitty life is. Maybe it would be better if you weren’t such an emo fuck who needs to verbalize his emotions in a pseudo anonymous way on a social networking site.

Facebook is the lesser of two evils but still annoying to me in some respects. Mainly because there’s always that one douchenozzle who feels the need to send you the SAME FUCKING APPLICATION over and over. If I ignored it the past 20.43 times I’m damn well going to do it again. No, I don’t want add the application to put a masturbating elephant-with-AIDS-but-moving-on-with-his-life thing. UGH!

I feel better. Fuck yea. I just vented on the internet to people who may or may not read this.. oh wait..

Irony > me.

Still – Me > you so that makes it right.

It’s about 4 am on a Saturday morn and I am fucking wrecfked. It was hallllloooowweeeenie. I stood on the corner fotr 20 mins and people pissed on my presences. For thatI shall destroy them but I got onion rings.

This is not gold shit but I am back. I am tired and I am drunk despite my excellent typing skills. Smash all.

Weeee..

Slayer.

Slayer x 2 = more Slayer.

OJK. I’m in my new room and UI have a cieling fan! WHAT
??

Anyaway. I’m DASRAMBLING UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER

PSU BITCHES!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.l Not sober.

Cheese.

As I sit here my house is in shambles – things are packed and ready to move. Tomorrow morning I’ll get the U-Haul and throw most of my large belongings into storage for an unknown amount of time. This is a really weird feeling. I’ve lived in my house for almost 7 years and in the valley my whole life. State College has been good to me so far. It’s a new beginning and I’m enjoying it. I hope it stays that way.

Anyhow, I’m tired and not drunk. There’s a lot to do tomorrow. I figured I’d check in for those who care. If you need to contact me my new email for now is cswarman@gmail.com

Catch you all later.